Money and relationships are cooooomplicated…

6:08pm last night Husband phones me:

 Husband: I hate you.

Me: Why?

Husband: I have been looking for cheap running shorts for half an hour and have spent the entire time feeling like shit for wanting to spend money.

Me: I’m sorry Love…

Husband: You and this bloody money stuff hey…


This brings up two concerns:

  • I don’t want to do this if long term we constantly feel guilty every time that we spend money (I can see the benefits of guilt in the short term though as a way to initially reduce spending)
  • Money and relationships are cooooooooooooooomplicated…


I’ll be honest, dear Reader, my initial response to this phone call was triumphant glee. You see traditionally it has usually been the other way around: Husband the saver and me the spender (although I prefer to use the term “liver of life!”) and so it felt really good to have things swopped around a little bit 🙂


When we first started dating it took us a while to figure out why grocery shopping usually involved arguments: basically, we both approach money in very different ways. See the beautiful illustration below:



Years later and I think that we have both moved a little towards the other’s money culture and so shopping has become much more pleasant. But since starting this process I’ve started to wonder if that’s not just because we have both been, unwittingly, assuming the elephant position (if this reference confuses you please check Stop assuming the elephant position out)….


Back to that phone call last night: Husband is definitely as on board with this Brat Experiment as I am. Similarly to me, he’s desperate to have our own house, travel and (this you don’t know yet about me, dear Reader) would LOVE to be able to study for the rest of his days – and the Brat Experiment suddenly makes these things tantalizingly close to reality. Also trying to spend as little money as possible is right in line with Husband’s money culture. However, at the moment, I am definitely the driving force (read: constant reminder) that we are trying to spend less money… and this subtle power dynamic makes me nervous. Or maybe it shouldn’t? Maybe with something as lifestyle challenging as this it’s more about team work. We have both decided that we want to give this Brat Experiment a try and we both REALLY want the things that this lifestyle can potentially afford us i.e. we want the same end result and are on the same team. So maybe it’s more about us taking turns being the “driving force” and I just happen to be first?




2 thoughts on “Money and relationships are cooooomplicated…

  1. Great post. It is always difficulty managing money as a couple. I believe that for many couples with conflicting views on money, assuming that both are earning similar incomes, keeping things separate makes sense and leads to less arguments. Split all expenses equally but maintain personal accounts. This is definitely different in every situation, though.


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